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Influence People

In order to get the best for your group, you have to exercise influencing skills, to get people to want to do what you want them to. Perhaps this is when you are acting as an advocate, a lobbyist or campaigner, or a fundraiser, or negotiating with a partner organisation. You probably do this unconsciously in your everyday role, but maybe recipe can help.

Serves – any organisation
Preparation – working out what you want from the other person or group
Cooking time – 1 day upwards – time varies depending on the context

Ingredients

  • preparation
  • meeting
  • body language,
  • active listening
  • paraphrasing
  • interest
  • mirroring
  • flattery
  • small favour
  • request
  • drawbacks
  • supporters
  • “labelling technique”
  • prediction
  • writing

Method

  1. Prepare to engage with the selected person by researching their interests and circumstances where possible, through mutual associates, friends etc and looking at online sources such as Linked in and Facebook
  2. Arrange an informal meeting with the person, e.g. face-to-face over coffee, over the phone or via Skype or another video telecom app. Remember to use their name (so long as they give permission first) and show genuine interest in them. Get them to talk about themselves. The use of appropriate body language, active listening and paraphrasing will help you show empathy. If you listen to what they say and rephrase it as a question to confirm that you understood it, they are going to be more comfortable talking with you.
  3. Use mirroring – but keep it subtle! Research have found that those who had been mirrored were much more likely to act favourably toward the person who had copied them, even though they may not have been conscious of this. Mirroring someone’s behaviour helps them to feel validated.
  4. If the person comes up with points with which you disagree, instead of arguing, actively listening to what they have to say, and then seek to understand how where they are coming from – how they feel and why. Then explain the common ground that you feel you share with them and use that as a starting point to explain your position. This makes them much more likely to listen to you and allows you to correct them without losing face.
  5. Use your research you have carried out to help you sustain the conversation, for example by talking about an issue or hobby that interests them. Steer clear of anything you’ve found that could be sensitive; avoid being perceived to be prying!
  6. Make them feel important, using some flattery, but judge this carefully, overdoing will come across as fawning and insincere. Characteristically, a person with low self-esteem will react less well to flattery as it interferes with how they perceive themselves, whereas a person with high self-esteem will be pleased as it will fit their self-perception.
  7. Seek a small favour, for example ask for advice. Research has shown that those who perform a kindness for others are more generously disposed to them than if they were the recipient of the kindness.
  8. Once you have established good relations – this may be after one or more other meetings – judge the time to make your request. A proven technique is to aim too high at first, by asking for something they will most likely say “no” to. The idea behind this is that the person will feel bad for refusing your first request, even though it may have been unreasonable, so when you ask for something reasonable they will feel obliged to help out this time.
  9. If you are making a proposition to them – for example to seek funds for your charity– try to mention one or two small drawbacks or weaknesses within your proposal or the charity. This will help demonstrate your integrity and show a human touch. It goes without saying these should be minor issues, not enough to scupper the whole deal!
  10. If possible name associates the person respects who are positive supporters of your proposal, or at least agree with it
  11. Two other methods are also known to influence behaviour so will be worth trying if the circumstances are right: One is “labelling technique” – assigning positive traits or attitudes to the person then making a request consistent with these e.g. “I know you are a person who wants to do what’s right” Another is prediction – asking the person to re-affirm their intent by predicting what they would do to help
  12. Finally, once you have reached agreement, thank them and confirm it all in writing and ask them check that you have the correct understanding of what has been agreed

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